DON'T F&CKING CAP ON TITO, SUSIE
by pastizzi
Summary: Because I'm the Trashman. I come out and throw trash all over the ring. And then I start eating garbage. And then I pick up the trash can and bash the guy with it. Deltarune x Team Fortress 2 x The Nutshack x WW1 x Johnny Test.
1. Chapter 1 - Dracu 'Tine

A pleasant day in the Moldovan countryside, indeed.

The crew behind the critically acclaimed series, The Nutshack, was enjoying a fine dinner consisting of very lightly fried fish fillets, 12 day old potato bread, and shots of vinegar mixed with freshly purchased rubbing alcohol.

Truly a meal fit for a king like Tito from The Nutshack.

Tito from The Nutshack had just announced a great feast outside of Chisinau after successfully completing a successful 18th season of The Nutshack. Phil from The Nutshack was chatting to Chita from The Nutshack about how delicious the very lightly fried fish fillets were. Jack from The Nutshack was also talking to Chita from The Nutshack about how delicious the very lightly fried fish fillets were. They were very delicious very lightly fried fish fillets. The rest of the gang, including Horat from The Nutshack, was talking to Chita from The Nutshack about how delicious the very lightly fried fish fillets were when Tito from The Nutshack decided to call a toast in celebration of the successful completion of the 18th season of the critically acclaimed series, The Nutshack.

"You are all very gay and the fact that you are all very gay is not good, but what is good and not gay is the fact that you have managed to successfully complete the 18th season of the critically acclaimed series, The Nutshack. So let's celebrate by clashing our glasses of vinegar mixed with freshly purchased rubbing alcohol together."

The crew clashed their glasses of vinegar mixed with freshly purchased rubbing alcohol together, when all of a sudden, a portal appeared above The crew's heads. It was a decently large portal, 4 metres long, 4 metres wide, 4 metres in length, and 4 metres in width. It seems as if The crew's collective glass clanking sparked such an ugly and crude sound, it triggered a portal to appear. Nobody knew where the portal lead to, or why it came to specifically target The crew. The crew soon decided it would be worth it to jump in, seeing they could simply find their way back to the portal after a bit of exploring.

Tito from The Nutshack went in first, being the leader of The crew. Then came Phil from The Nutshack, Jack from The Nutshack, Chita from The Nutshack, and Horat from The Nutshack. Eventually, The crew was nothing but gone from their quaint table in the Moldovan countryside, outside of Chisinau.

As soon as they knew it, the entire gang was flying through a decently large portal, 4 metres long, 4 metres wide, 4 metres in length, and 4 metres in width. They didn't know where they were going, but all they could hear was the sound of madness and aimbotting.


	2. Chapter 2 - Ironic Doge Meme

The crew found themselves in a void. It was a decently large void, 4 metres long, 4 metres wide, 4 metres in length, and 4 metres in width. It was black on all sides and littered with the smell of very lightly fried fish fillets, 12 day old potato bread, and shots of vinegar mixed with freshly purchased rubbing alcohol, possibly from Horat from The Nutshack's obsessive hoarding. The crew felt as if they were going nowhere, but at the same time, they were zooming through the decently large void at 4 metres per second. Chita from The Nutshack was talking to Phil from The Nutshack, Jack from The Nutshack, and Horat from The Nutshack about where the decently large portal was taking The crew. Nobody knew, and everyone cared. But all they could hear was the sound of madness and aimbotting.

The decently large void that was 4 metres long, 4 metres wide, 4 metres in length, and 4 metres in width, soon created an end. It was loud. It was dirty. It was inside of a trench. Random crits are fair and balanced. It was cramped. It was unsanitized. It was smelly. It was uncomfortable. It was tight. It was Verdun.

The Battle of Verdun (French: Bataille de Verdun [bataj də vɛʁdœ̃]; German: Schlacht um Verdun [ʃlaxt ˀʊm ˈvɛɐdœŋ]), fought from 21 February to 18 December 1916, was the largest and longest battle of the First World War on the Western Front between the German and French armies. The battle took place on the hills north of Verdun-sur-Meuse in north-eastern France. The German 5th Army attacked the defences of the Fortified Region of Verdun (RFV, Région Fortifiée de Verdun) and those of the French Second Army on the right bank of the Meuse. Inspired by the experience of the Second Battle of Champagne in 1915, the Germans planned to capture the Meuse Heights, an excellent defensive position with good observation for artillery-fire on Verdun. The Germans hoped that the French would commit their strategic reserve to recapture the position and suffer catastrophic losses in a battle of annihilation, at little cost to the Germans in tactically advantageous positions on the heights.

The crew landed in a trench. But strangely, it was all but empty. The same could be said for every other trench in the vicinity. However, there was a relatively small array of fighters. Some RED and some BLUE.

Or, BLU, I should say.

A shit ton of Spies from Team Fortress 2 were fighting against a shit ton of Medics from Team Fortress 2 and Battle Medics from Team Fortress 2, trying to nab as much territory as they could while in the safety of their absolutely disgusting trenches filled with rats, rats, rats, rats, and rats. While The crew was investigating the battle from the safety of the absolutely disgusting trenches filled with rats, rats, rats, rats, and rats, the shit ton of Spies from Team Fortress 2 were fighting against a shit ton of Medics from Team Fortress 2 and Battle Medics from Team Fortress 2 in an attempt to nab as much territory as they could. Suddenly, one Battle Medic from Team Fortress 2 noticed The crew inside of the trenches filled with rats, rats, rats, rats, and rats. The Battle Medic from Team Fortress 2 shouted to the shit ton of Medics from Team Fortress 2 and Battle Medics from Team Fortress 2 to stop fighting the shit ton of Spies from Team Fortress 2. The shit ton of Spies from Team Fortress 2 stopped fighting as well and congregated to investigate The crew.

Once the shit ton of Spies from Team Fortress 2 came over to where the shit ton of Medics from Team Fortress 2 and Battle Medics from Team Fortress 2, they were all assimilated into one sizable group. Suddenly, a brave yet confused Spy from Team Fortress 2 came over to inspect The crew.

"Who are you and where do you belong?", said the Spy from Team Fortress 2.


	3. Chapter 3 - One I, Two Is, Two Is, An L

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm increasing the word count of the story with this author's note and there's nothing that your miserable little arse can do about it.**

The crew was confused. Very confused. So confused, they had nothing to say like you're supposed to do when you're confused. I am very good at 4th wall breaks and YOU can not refute that, stupid reader.

Back to filling YOUR head with shit, The crew was so confused, they had nothing to say. However, Tito from The Nutshack was brave enough and filled with enough big dick energy to warrant an attempt to try to engage in a conversation.

"First thing off, who in the assing fuck is YOU peoples?", Tito from The Nutshack confusingly asked the Medics from Team Fortress 2 and Battle Medics from Team Fortress 2 as well as the Spies from Team Fortress 2. The Medics from Team Fortress 2 and Battle Medics from Team Fortress 2 as well as the Spies from Team Fortress 2 were equally as confused, and had nothing to say. However, the previous Spy from Team Fortress 2 was brave enough and filled with enough big baguette energy to warrant an attempt to try to engage in a conversation.

"We are the fighters in le Battle of Verdun, and we are fighting against each other, which is what you do in battles, especially le Battle of Verdun, which is le battle we are fighting in. You do not look like any of le other people here, so where did you come from?", the Spy from Team Fortress 2 confusingly asked The crew.

"Us people has been hasing our dinner after successfully completing the 18th season of the critically acclaimed series, The Nutshack in the Moldovan countryside outside of Chisinau. But then, this decently large portal 4 metres long, 4 metres wide, 4 metres in length, and 4 metres in width appeared and then we got sucked into the portal and then we comed here. I really liked Moldova and I want to go back to Moldova, so can you all tell us how to get to Moldova? Tell us how to get to Moldova or else I will slap chop all you filthy peoples with the power of these fucking nuts!iii", responded Tito from The Nutshack.

The Spy from Team Fortress 2 was really getting the big dick energy being emitted from Tito from The Nutshack, and so the Spy from Team Fortress 2 gave him his most logical yet most big dick energy-al answer.

"Les Spies from Team Fortress 2, which are us, know a guy. Le guy is noir and we've never seen his face, so we know he's into some shady shit. However, we know that he can do some shady shit, like overthrowing a monarchy, forcing a child to suggestively interact with a clone of himself, and putting numerous people to sleep including many civilians. So try to go through with le guy with caution, is that certain?"

"I'm not doing what some baguette douche is telling me to be doing, so how about I slap chop all you filthy nuts with the power of these fucking nuts!iii", Phil from The Nutshack angrily threatened the Spies from Team Fortress 2.

In response, another Spy from Team Fortress 2 different from the previous Spy from Team Fortress 2 disguised himself as Chita from The Nutshack and snuck towards The crew.

"Chita, what was you doing with the other mask guys?", asked Jack from The Nutshack. Jack from The Nutshack was, at this point, obsessed with Chita from The Nutshack, and seeing Chita from The Nutshack surrounded by men like the Spies from Team Fortress 2 made Jack from The Nutshack very nervous and very sad.

"I was off to see your mother, Jack! Now shut up as I'm off to see your mother!", said "Chita from The Nutshack".

Jack from The Nutshack was very disappointed.

Phil from The Nutshack was surprised to see "Chita from The Nutshack" approaching him, and Phil from The Nutshack asked "Chita from The Nutshack" about it.

"'Ey Chita from The Nutshack, whatchu doing getting to my back?"

"I'm off to see your mother, you slimy baboon! Now if you could just ignore this sharp knife going into your back, that would be great," "Chita from The Nutshack" said.

Phil from The Nutshack died and wouldn't respawn in 20 seconds because this isn't TF2. Now please cry because this is a scene where you're supposed to cry. I just killed off a character, for God's sake.

"Oh dear shittings, Phil is now done gone. Well, time to see the guy, you nuts," Tito from The Nutshack yelled to the remaining Pinoys.


End file.
